Buhtt sex?
I think my fart just growled at me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
