How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
