I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
