i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
