i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
