You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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