I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
