He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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