He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
