Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
