..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
