remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
