So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
