whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
