some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
