he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
and you fell through a lawn chair
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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