Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
