To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
