thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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