How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I need a beard to bite.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
