Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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