Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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