i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
