Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
