you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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