well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
