I CAN MOONWALK!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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