So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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