I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
