My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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