he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
