so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
