I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.