She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
