were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
