i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
