I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
