why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
