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My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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