Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
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my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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