I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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