I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize