I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize