I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
