I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
