I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
