After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
