I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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