how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
