If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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