the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
