So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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