I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
