He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
