I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize