Got a toothbrush?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
