the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
