Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
