This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
