Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
