moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
