Cold hands, warm shart.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
