before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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