I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
