So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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