So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
