think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
