Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
the raccoons are back...
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