At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he just fucked me for my cheese..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
