was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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