I puked a lego.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
