There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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