i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
