remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize