as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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