last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
